The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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