Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
