Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
