I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
