I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
