Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
