i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?