Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"