I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void