I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
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You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.