So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.