i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
