On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You're like the curious george of whores
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight