Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.