I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize