hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
