dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
