Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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