I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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