i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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