you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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