Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
