I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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