why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
