We got so high we made milksteak
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
