She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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