I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
