Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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