i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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