But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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