hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
