What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
