you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
