I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
