I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
