i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
