Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
