We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You made out with two different species that night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
