FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I supernannyed him into submission
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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