i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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