I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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