Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
