He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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