I just saw a hot homeless man
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
