Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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