Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He has the fingertips of a God
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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