mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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