I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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