He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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