I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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