i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
