The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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