Do you still have your period?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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