Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
