Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
