4 words: hood of his car
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
