It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
