He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
