ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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