I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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