You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
