Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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