I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
