dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
