We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
