wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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