I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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