Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
