After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
