Me. At least after what I've been through.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize