Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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