his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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