Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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