Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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