I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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