So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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