Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
