All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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