Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
