btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
