He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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